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“What is the process of a ‘Yes-When Deal’?”

boy-on-racetrack“Processes” are used with most jobs.  Consider two examples: flying to the moon and doing the laundry.

When flying to the moon your process is complex: Build a rocket, fuel the rocket, find people smart and brave enough to take on the mission, and return to mother earth safely (forgive me, but due to space constraints it is necessary for me to leave out key portions of the moon flight “process”).

When doing the laundry your process is quite different, but no less important, because, simply stated, without a process the job would not get done.  You must first sort, then choose detergent/bleach, then dry, then fold, then put the laundry into specific locations based on several factors, including who owns the clothes, the season of the year, etc.

Now that we have seen the importance of “processes” for all jobs (from the mundane to the miraculous), it becomes obvious that “processes” are greatly important in all aspects of parenting (from the mundane to the miraculous).

A process that can be applied to many aspects of parenting (and life in general) is that of the “Yes-When” deal.  It goes like this: “Yes you can have/do (what you want), when you do (what I am requesting)”

For example:

Yes, you can have the juice, when you sit down at the table.”

Yes, you can watch your favorite videotape, when you put away your toys.”

Yes, you can have the cookie, when you say please.”

Yes, you can go visit your friend, when you finish your homework.”

Yes, you can eat sweet desert, when you finish eating your healthy dinner.”

Yes, you can continue to live here. when you make the next rent/mortgage payment.”