Yes-When, If-Then, or No-Until?
When you use “Yes-When” deals it is important that you remain positive in your tone of voice and demeanor. When parents experience frustration, it is very easy for a “Yes-When” deal to become an “if-then”/have-to instruction, and then deteriorate into a “No-Until” threat. For example, “Yes you can watch television, when you are done cleaning your room,” can become less appealing to your child if you say, “If you want to watch television, then you have to clean up your room,” and an outright threat if you say, “No you can’t watch television, until you clean up your room.” Being kind in your verbiage doesn’t cost you anything, and it certainly goes a long way in building the “two-way street” of mutual respect. Nobody likes to be threatened (“No-Until”), and most people respond positively to reasonable offers or incentives (“Yes-When”). Remember: “Fruit is always fun to eat, but fruits of your labor are twice as sweet!”