When All Else Fails - “I have tried everything and nothing @#%^$ works!”
Which
category you choose (Avoiding, Teaching, Ignoring, or Punishing) to manage a
given negative behavior is less important than your consistency and your
persistence. Often people say, “I’ve tried everything, and nothing works.”
Part of the problem may be that in “trying everything” consistency and
persistence were lost. For example, let’s assume that Suzy Smith said, “I tired
to ignore my son’s tantrums, but it didn’t work because he kept up the
tantrum until I picked him up/gave him what he wanted.” Suzy needs to
recognize that “trying to ignore” is impossible, because by
definition one either ignores or not! Suzy Smith may go on to say, “I try teaching/re-directing
my son’s tantrums by giving him food/ toys/videos/a blanket/pacifier/hugs, and
it sometimes works at the moment, but he still has a lot of tantrums.” Suzy
has confused “teaching/re-directing” with “rewarding”! Re-direction involves
use of “Yes-When” Deals before the negative behavior. If you
“re-direct” during the negative behavior, you will likely reinforce the
negative behavior (inadvertently). If Suzy Smith chooses to use a “punishment”
(e.g., “Time-Out”, removal of privileges), but does not utilize the procedure humanely,
consistently, powerfully, and with immediacy, it is likely that the efforts
to “punish” will fail, leading Suzy to conclude, “I tried to use punishment,
but it didn’t work.” So, when managing your child’s behavior, which category
you choose (Avoiding, Teaching, Ignoring, or Punishing) may be less important
than your consistency and persistence.