Contact Us:   (631) 351-1111  |   (516) 777-8777   |   (718) 626-6161   |   (914) 668-1313

How do I know when to Avoid, Teach, Ignore, or Punish?  What is the “Manners Manager”?

Text Box:

You may ask, “So, I know A.T.I.P., but what should I do?”  Just use the ‘Manners Manager’!  To debate specifics about various behaviors is futile, because the purpose of this section is to provide a broad overview of behavior management principles and processes.  Specific behaviors are discussed in the next chapter.  Overall, it is important to note that the “A.T.I.P.” model of discipline is highly adaptable and fluid.  “A.T.I.P.” should not be viewed as linear (step one, followed by step two, then step 3, etc.).  Given that all of the “A.T.I.P.” options are humane and likely effective (over time), you may choose to use different responses based on situations, your mood, your personality, and any number of other influences.  You also may blend approaches (e.g., you use a “time-out” – which is a “punishment” – and after the dust settles you may be calm and your child may be ready to receive some of your wisdom in the form of “teaching”).  It is best that as a parent you remain calm, firm, and consistent, while exercising sound judgment and remaining attuned to your heart and your head. 




A.T.I.P. from the Manners Manager



AVOID (use occasionally)

Avoid certain situations that may lead to negative behavior, but make sure that when you “avoid” it is based on your choice and sound judgment, not based on your of “fear” of your child’s response



TEACH (use as often as possible)

To increase positive and decrease negative behavior,

strive to using “Teaching” most of the time.



IGNORE (use as needed)

Have patience and ignore minor, unimportant, nuisance behavior.  Also, ignoring may be a good option when your child is “not rational” and unwilling/unable to hear your “words of wisdom.”



PUNISH (use as a last resort)

Use punishment as a last resort, when Avoiding, Teaching, or Ignoring are not applicable and/or have proven ineffective.  If use of punishment becomes necessary, remember that effective punishment is immediate, consistent, powerful, and humane.