“But my child will just ignore me and do whatever he wants on his own.”
Never
forget that you control the privileges, and therefore you control the “Yes-When
deals.” If you allow your child to wander off and enjoy freedom after he has
boldly defied you, then the obvious conclusion is that he has learned that you
are weak and your words are meaningless. If, however, you set a “Yes-When
deal” that you believe is not that important in the first place, then allowing
your child to choose not to participate in the deal is fine. For example,
let’s say you offer, “Yes Junior you can have a dollar, when you rake the
leaves,” but your child chooses instead to do homework. He was not “hostile”
or “defiant” in his choice, and his “noncompliance” was a reasonable choice
that he has made. Therefore, you may choose to simply allow him to make that
choice without discord and without withholding other privileges and without
“forcing” him to rake leaves.